From “I Do” to “We Still Do”: How to Write, Revisit, and Renew Your Marriage Vows
photo by Dawn Honsky Photography
Marriage vows are more than just words spoken on a wedding day—they’re the foundation of your commitment. And like any foundation, they need care, attention, and sometimes a little reinforcement. Whether you’re newly engaged or years into marriage, your vows deserve a second look.
In this post, we’ll walk through:
How to write meaningful marriage vows before your wedding
Why revisiting your vows after marriage keeps your relationship aligned
How to plan a vow renewal ceremony that reflects who you’ve become as a couple
All right, let’s get started.
Writing Your Wedding Vows
If you’re engaged and starting to think about your ceremony, writing your own vows can be a powerful way to personalize the experience.
Why write your own vows?
They reflect your voice and values.
They help you clarify what you can offer your partner.
They make the ceremony more intimate and memorable.
Tips for writing wedding vows:
Start with reflection. What drew you to your partner? What do you admire about them? How have they supported your growth?
Be specific. Skip the clichés and share real-life promises. Instead of “I’ll always be there for you,” try “I promise to bring you soup when you’re sick and laugh at your bad jokes.”
Speak from the heart, not a script. It’s okay if they are not “perfect.” Authenticity matters more than poetry.
Consider the format. Will you both write separately? Share your vows in advance? Say the same ones or take different approaches?
Need guidance? I offer one-on-one vow writing sessions to help you craft vows that feel meaningful, personal, and true to your relationship. Many couples are opting for private vows. So you can certainly share personal vows before the ceremony, and some standard vows during the ceremony. Truly, whatever makes you the most comfortable!
2. Revisiting Your Vows After the Wedding
Once the wedding is over and your legal partnership begins, it’s easy to forget what you promised in the heat of the celebration. But your vows aren’t just a ceremonial moment—they have the power to be the compass for your life together.
Why revisit your vows?
To stay aligned during life transitions or challenges.
As a reminder of your shared values and goals.
To grow together intentionally.
How to revisit your marriage vows:
Read them on your anniversary each year. And if you did premarital counseling with me, it’s a good time to review your values list!
Schedule a “vow check-in” during a counseling or date night session.
Ask:
Are we living the promises we made?
What’s changed?
What do we need to reaffirm or adjust?
As a premarital and relationship counselor, I often guide couples through these conversations, helping them stay connected to the commitment behind the ceremony.
3. Planning a Vow Renewal Ceremony
A vow renewal isn’t just for milestone anniversaries. It can be a way to celebrate a new chapter—after having kids, weathering a tough season, or simply wanting to reconnect.
Why renew your vows?
To honor how your relationship has grown.
To recommit intentionally.
To involve loved ones who weren’t at your original ceremony.
Ideas for planning your vow renewal:
Keep it intimate or invite your community. It certainly doesn’t have to be fancy.
Choose a location that means something to you - like a local park, neighborhood restaurant or in your own home!
Write new vows that reflect your current journey.
Include a ritual—like lighting a candle together, planting a tree, or exchanging meaningful gifts.
I regularly officiate vow renewal ceremonies and can help you design something personal, low-stress, and memorable.
Your Vows Are a Living Document
The best marriage vows grow with you. That’s whether you're preparing for your wedding or years into marriage. I suggest you treat your vows not as a one-time promise, but as an evolving guide for your relationship.
Want Help with Your Vows?
I’ve got’chu!
If you're:
Struggling to write personal wedding vows
Looking to reconnect with the promises you made
Interested in planning a meaningful vow renewal
…I can help.
I offer vow writing sessions, relationship check-ins, and vow renewal ceremonies tailored to your relationship and style.
Feel free to reach out to schedule a session or learn more.
As always the comment section is open. Don’t hesitate to share a thought or ask a question!