How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows
The vows are the heart of any wedding ceremony. You are standing up facing your beloved surrounded by your family and closest friends. This is your opportunity (potentially your ONLY opportunity) to share your love for your partner OUT LOUD and have it witnessed by those who love and support you most. The expectation of writing memorable vows may scare some couples into abandoning the idea and going the “repeat after me” route. There is no need to get overwhelmed. You and your partner decided you want to write your own vows? Great, I’ve got your back!
So, now what?
Some brides or grooms use their vows to shout their love from the rooftop. But you certainly don’t have to do that. If you’re shy or you don’t like to be the center of attention, then it’s important to honor your own style and comfort level. After all this is your wedding and your vows are a reflection of you and your partner! Of course, if you need me to hold your hand and guide you through, click the LET’S TALK button above! I’m happy to guide you along the way.
Here are 6 tips to writing some meaningful vows.
GETTING STARTED: Each of you grab a notebook and pen and write down things you love or appreciate about each other. These can be images or phrases, things they do or say. Notes about who they are, what makes them special and what they do to make your life better. Over the course of a few weeks, have the notebook close by so you can jot your thoughts down as they occur, or as they come to mind. If you do this over a number of weeks, you will notice repetitions or themes. Not only that, I promise you will find more ways you love each other than you even thought possible. Allow yourself to be surprised.
REFINING: From your notes, create a list of things you may want to share. As you look into the eyes of your beloved, what do you want them to hear? What’s important for you to say? Remember that you don’t have to share EVERYTHING. There may be some things you love about your partner that you don’t want your grandmother to hear! Those more personal or intimate things can be shared in a letter on the morning of your wedding - or the day after!
SHARED VISION: A vow is a promise. If you want to remind yourself of the definition, here you go! Consider what you and your fiance(e) want - for the future, for your relationship. What can you offer to help them satisfy those needs? What is your part to play? What can you promise? If you’re not sure, sit down and have an open conversation about your shared vision and expectations of the future.
WEAVING: Find a way to weave your appreciations and your promises together. Perhaps say a few things you love about your partner and then a few things you promise. Or perhaps you can alternate if the promise is linked with something you appreciate about your partner. Don’t overthink this, just get it all down on paper or on your computer.
FINE TUNING: Now is time to fine tune. This may mean cutting, if you have three pages or fleshing things out if you are staring at 1 paragraph. If your vows are on the longer side, I challenge you to go back in and see what you MUST keep. And then figure out what you can cut. When the vows border on excess, it may water your sentiments down. On the other hand, if you need to expand your vows a bit, it may help to ask yourself some questions. So, you love the way your partner does something, or how they make you feel. That’s awesome, but WHY? Why is that so important to you? Or you want to promise something based on a need or expectation for the future? How are you going to do that? Or consider sharing a short anecdote that encompasses many of the wonderful qualities of your beloved.
GET FEEDBACK: Lastly, please, please, please share your vows with your officiant. I always have my couples send me their vows a week in advance of their Big Day, especially if they are not sharing them with each other beforehand. I read them over and make sure they are of equal length and intensity. If there is a deadline of a week before the wedding, there is plenty of time to make edits or additions to better match your partner’s vows. If your officiant doesn’t share feedback, ASK for it. This way you will know if the vows need a bit of editing or more clarity. This step is very important in setting the tone and vibe for your entire ceremony.
Don’t overthink this. Just start. Here’s to writing (and sharing) your personal vows! The comment section is always open below if you want to share what resonates with you or if you have any questions. Of course, if you’d like feedback or someone to review, don’t hesitate to email me. Or if this becomes overwhelming, I do offer VOW WRITING and I’m happy to write some unique and meaningful vows with you.