Guest Post: Prenups Made Easier with Mediation
When we think of two people coming together to become one, our initial images may be poetic. However when you look at the logistics of HOW to do it, things may get a bit more complicated. As you enter marriage, how do you merge your lives together? The financial conversation in premarital counseling is often the most important for this very reason. I do bring up the idea of prenuptial agreements and sometimes I get a look of fear. Thankfully I have a wide range of colleagues to assist. Enter Alnoor and Ehsan from Venn Meditation. Alnoor reached out toward the end of 2020, and after an initial meeting with him and his business partner Ehsan, I really appreciated their care and approach. They specifically choose to work with couples seeking prenuptial agreements because they have seen firsthand how mediation can take this potentially awkward conversation and make it easier. In general, mediation allows for open communication on important marital issues and prevents partners from becoming enemies. Enough from me…here is a guest post from Alnoor and Ehsan! - HM
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An often-sticky topic for couples who are about to get married is whether or not to have a premarital agreement (commonly referred to as a ‘prenup’). A prenup is a contract entered into by a couple who plan to marry, which states their rights and responsibilities regarding property and spousal support if the marriage ends. Having a prenup generally makes a divorce that much smoother and less expensive. However, most couples choose to avoid them.
Why?
Many people find the concept of prenups uncomfortable. When you love someone and are about to commit yourself to them “until death do us part,” it can be difficult and awkward to have a discussion about breaking up. But while it can be unappealing to think about separation before one gets married, it is generally so much worse to have that conversation after a couple decides to separate. Because in those in cases, there is now painful emotions present. With 39% of marriages in the US ending in divorce, and the average cost of separating around $15,000, having a prenup can be a smart decision. Even if it requires a difficult conversation beforehand.
But does a discussion about a prenup have to be that difficult or awkward? Yes and no. There can certainly be challenges when one of the pair has a lawyer write up terms for the other person to review, before the couple has even considered what they want. As the lawyer has an obligation to defend their client’s interests and assets, they can often show little regard for the other person. In many cases this leads to shock and hurt feelings. And the situation can worsen from there. It can also be challenging when only one of the pair wants the prenup, and the other person is just going along with it to accommodate them. As the conversation becomes more difficult, couples may even start to wonder why they are getting married at all.
The problem with this situation is that, even when both people are open to a prenup, the legal framework forces them to become opponents at a time when they are trying to be partners.
Mediation offers a better way.
In mediation, a neutral third party works with the couple collaboratively. The goal is “supporting or fostering the upcoming marriage,” as well as finding an agreement that is fair and right for both people.
That’s what we do.
The keys to a good prenup mediation are openness and honesty from the couple, and a willingness to work in good faith to reach an agreement that satisfies each person. Some big issues prenups cover include:
the division of property and finances
estate planning
debt liability
spousal support
Each person is asked to provide full disclosure of their finances and to put all of their concerns and ideas out in the open. The result is that the parties are in control of their future. In turn, financial uncertainty is reduced, the playing field is leveled, and the couple gets the added bonus of improving communication on important marital issues. Lastly, the mediation process takes place in a safe space that allows for creativity and personalized solutions that are fair and realistic.
If you or someone you know is seeking a prenup, contact Venn Mediation via email or on our website. We offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can walk you through the process and help you figure out whether it is right for your prenup. Mediation is a cheaper and more collaborative process that makes difficult conversations easier. We would love to help.
ABOUT VENN MEDIATION:
Venn Mediation was co-founded by Ehsan Ali and Alnoor Maherali out of a desire to provide people with a more efficient, less expensive and tailored approach to dispute resolution for their personal and business relationships. They are committed to their clients and addressing their needs. When Venn takes on a case, they support all parties and facilitate the kinds of conversations that lead to concrete and sustainable agreements. Their facilitative approach to mediation means that their clients do not have outcomes forced upon them. Rather, Venn Mediation helps their clients to find solutions that work for them. This freedom empowers people and businesses that work with Venn to go beyond what works on paper and create agreements that work in practice.
Ehsan Ali and Alnoor Maherali met while training with a well-respected community dispute resolution center (CDRC) in New York City. They quickly developed a friendship, and in getting to know each other, discovered that their unique backgrounds make them especially effective when co-mediating as a team. Alnoor’s decade of diplomatic experience and Ehsan’s years of litigation and arbitration work give them complementary perspectives on conflict resolution and contribute to their effective collaboration.