Building Strong Relationships: FAMILY RELATIONS
As you begin a new relationship, it's just the two of you. You are testing chemistry and figuring out combatibility, as you learn more about yourself and your partner. As things develop the circle widens. You meet their friends and they meet yours and then WHAMMO, it's time for introductions to THE FAMILY!
Like it or not, when you commit to each other and/or legally wed, you are uniting with your partner's family as well. Just as we've spoken about understanding your values and beliefs, once we bring in the family, we are incorporating many, many more. Some you may adhere to and some you may not. But many of them come with strong emotions and hinge on respect.It's not a surprise that FAMILY RELATIONS is one of the main causes for divorce in this country. So, what can you do to keep your relationship strong while dealing with the challenges of family?
1. Share your childhood experience. Have you let your partner know what your upbringing was like? It will certainly inform him or her how you got to be who you are - and what decisions you made along the way.
2. Discuss the prominent values and beliefs you learned as a child. Which of those would you would like to bring into your marriage or relationship? What do you want to make sure stays out?
3. Have an open conversation with your fiancee or spouse about what you like and dislike about your family. As well as your partners family. And then switch and allow your partner to share. Since there are lots of emotions here, be mindful and caring and come from a place of FACT and OBSERVATION, rather than accusation.
4. Make sure you have a plan for the holidays. Talk about your favorite holidays and traditions with your fiancee or partner. What are your favorites and if given a choice where would you spend them? If there are overlaps, perhaps you can negotiate and alternate years. Or perhaps come up with a brand new tradition!
5. Lastly, pick your battles. There are some disagreements that are not worth fighting over. For the sake of your beloved, sometimes it's best to remain quiet. You may not agree with all of the opinions and actions of his or her family, but if it's not one of your deal breakers, it may be better to hold your tongue rather than start an argument.
What are the biggest challenges with your family and how do they affect the relationship with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse? Anything work well? Feel free to share your experiences and tips below.